YOU READ IT here first. The bears are awake. I know what you’re thinking. This is early for bears to emerge from hibernation, and you’re right, but the evidence is clear.

One needs only to look at a recent disgusting display of poor personal hygiene displayed in plain sight in the middle of a scenic roadway of this emerald-green paradise we call home to realize all is not right with the world.

Don’t be alarmed. Bears awakening in the middle of winter may not be a harbinger of an impending global crisis.

Perhaps it is nothing more than an impulse, not unlike our own, to get up in the middle of the night for a snack or a visit to the restroom facilities.

Some of us envy the bear’s ability to sleep through the winter.

In this sleep-deprived world in which we live, it would be a dream come true to nod off about November and wake up in the spring about May or when the skunk cabbage blooms, whichever comes first.

Recent studies have indicated that bears don’t truly hibernate like our Olympic marmots or members of Congress. It’s more like an extended power nap.

The difference between hibernation and power napping might best be illustrated by resting your eyes while watching a hockey game.

If you wake up during the game for a fight or a beer commercial, that’s not hibernating. Let’s say you fell asleep while reading this column. That’s not hibernation, either. Very few creatures can repress their metabolism long enough to attain true hibernation or read this column.

The Olympic marmot spends the winter under the snow with absolutely no hockey or beer. Marmots are true hibernators.

Bears can wake up at any time during their long winter’s nap.

That doesn’t mean you are likely to see one. Our bears are the wariest animals in the woods.

You might see a hundred deer for every bear, if you ever see one at all.

It’s not just because the bears are largely nocturnal. Bears are extremely sensitive. They really don’t like humans that much.

The bears have a lot of emotional baggage left over from hunting season last fall, when people wanted to shoot them.

This is a grudge the bears are not likely to forget, no matter how long they sleep.

Most bears are model citizens living their entire lives without you knowing they are there.

Bears are extremely intelligent. People like to argue bears are smarter than wolves or cougars, and I think they are.

The apex predators of the Olympic Peninsula were bounty hunted with poison, snares and traps early in the last century.

The wolves went extinct, but the bears are still here. Case closed.

As for cougars, they are awesome predators, but no one has ever reported them breaking into a vehicle or a cabin. Like the bear who broke through the wall of a remote Hoh River fish camp last winter and drank a case of beer and a can of wasp and hornet spray.

It could have been worse. At least the bear went back out through the same hole it came in.

What would make a good bear go bad?

They might have had a bad year for berries. Maybe they didn’t put on enough fat for a winter of uninterrupted slumber, or an abundance of internal parasites like tapeworms and such.

Studying piles of bear manure for parasites might not be everyone’s idea of a quality wilderness adventure.

It would, however, go a long way to explain the effort involved in writing a wilderness gossip column.

Pat Neal is a Hoh River fishing and rafting guide and “wilderness gossip columnist.” He can be reached at 360-683-9867 or by email via patnealproductions@gmail.com.