By Rachel Michaels

Tribune News Service

Four years ago I hit a family member. We disagreed on which presidential nominee to support. At that time, it was clear to me that whatever remotely redeeming pledges Donald Trump the candidate made, these promises were certain to be broken by President Trump the elected official. Besides, the man was without any doubt morally unfit to be president. When my loved one didn’t immediately agree to all my assertions and apologetically vow “to do better” my anger transformed into physical coercion. It felt so morally justifiable in the moment.

That moment was short. Shame immediately washed over me even as my anger still raged. I made desperate attempts to rationalize my behavior — didn’t the utter immorality of the other’s position justify a little physical force? No. It didn’t.

That same day I decided to stop “sharing” or reacting to political content on social media. In the weeks and months to follow, I purposefully limited my exposure to “news” and commentary — especially of the sort that fed my need for moral rage. I couldn’t turn back time and undo what I had done. But I could demonstrate my contrition by seeking to set my own self in order before fixing those around me.

Much has changed in four years.

For all my continued disagreements with our tweeter in chief, I now believe that he is the target of and a leading (albeit imperfect) defender against the actual existential threats seeking to undermine our nation’s core principles. I have also learned to hold my opinions more lightly. I have, after all, been very wrong before.

Justifying physical violence because of disagreement and anger has become an ascendant and respectable position. Liberalism, tolerance, humility and the pursuit of truth and truthfulness have been discarded. But I do not judge my friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues too harshly for their involvement with and endorsement of this mass insanity, as I too have fallen prey to the very same narratives. I know too well that there but for an act I wish I could take back go I.

Many people from across the political spectrum firmly believe that the outcome of this election will irrevocably shape the future of our country. With diametrically opposed rationales, the pervasive sense of lurching into an abyss if the election goes the “wrong way” seems omnipresent.

The problem with this type of thinking resides in our commitment to prove ourselves right. Too often, we find what we expect to see. Too often we create the catastrophe we feared. We can always find the worst in others, but in doing so we might not like what we find in ourselves. Mutually assured destruction leads to mutual restraint only when we realize it isn’t actually in our best interests to send everything and everyone to smithereens.

Our nation is staring down a perilous moment. There will be great animosity and fear as we learn (or wait for) the results of the coming election. Whomever you vote for and whatever the outcome, it is how we behave in victory and in defeat that will matter most.

We have much to lose by tearing one another apart. By othering and even dehumanizing those with whom we vehemently disagree, we quickly personify the tyranny we meant to oppose. If we allow our anger to reign supreme, if we attempt to intimidate, violate and isolate our foes, what will we have gained?

There is another path — a harder one. We can choose to not be the worst versions of ourselves.

If we choose to reach for a spirit of charity, humility and gratitude in the weeks and months ahead — there is hope. For ourselves, our relationships and this magnificent flawed nation we call home. In this pursuit, we will at best be imperfect. What we can attain will be less than what we aspire to. Even so, it is far better than the alternatives.

This won’t come easily. It doesn’t for me. Some people will call it weakness. Or diminish it as “Kumbaya” Pollyanna wishful thinking. Or simply assert that “this time” the stakes are too high for any shred of kindness and shared human decency.

Maybe they are right. But if they are, haven’t we all already lost?

Rachel Michaels is a Virginia resident.