Dear Abby: This is my second marriage. My first husband died when our daughter was 5 months old. I met my current husband, “Robert,” when she was 6. We have a wonderful relationship as a couple and as a family. He’s an amazing husband and father. We now have another child who is 7 months old.
I fear I have become a problem for Robert. I’m so attached to him that I don’t ever want him to leave. He works from home — even though he shouldn’t — because I want him to be with me. I end up distracting him and he misses deadlines. His job is almost over because the grant is over, and he’s looking for a job. We are both very worried about this.
I know Robert will never complain about my need for his attention. I know he prefers us to be together, but he needs to work and I need to let him. I don’t know why I struggle with this. I have never behaved this way.
Can’t Let Go
Dear Can’t Let Go: I have a hunch that what’s going on with you is that you lost your first husband, and you’re terrified that if this one isn’t with you every minute, something terrible will happen to him, too.
Because this is having a negative impact on his career, it is extremely important that you learn how to manage this insecurity. The quickest way to accomplish it would be to talk this over with a licensed psychotherapist who can give you the insight and the tools you need. Please don’t put it off.
Dear Abby: As an established patient with a specialized doctor, I recently went for my annual checkup. My appointment was scheduled a year ago. As I was checking in, I was informed that my doctor now collects all insurance co-pays before seeing patients.
As a senior citizen, I was shocked. Being expected to pay before the service makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me. I can understand a convenience store expecting me to pay for my gas upfront because of drive-offs, but not a professional medical provider. I pay all my bills on time and have excellent credit.
It may be my age, but I want to feel respected and trusted. Shouldn’t a doctor’s office trust its established patients enough to allow them to pay once the service has been rendered? Has our country fallen so low that we are all guilty until proven innocent?
Dear Frustrated: The reason you were asked for your co-pay in advance may have nothing to do with YOUR personal trustworthiness. Your doctor may have had more than a few patients who were delinquent in paying.
Because you were offended, this is something you should discuss with your physician who, because of your long relationship, may be willing to make an exception. However, if that’s not the case, you might be more comfortable taking your business to another doctor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.