Dear Abby: My husband, “Alex,” and I are close friends with another couple who live out of state. During a virtual happy hour, our friend “Darlene” advised us that her brother “Roy” is moving to our area, and she suggested we become friends. She assumed my husband likes Roy. My husband answered honestly and said he doesn’t particularly like Roy. When Darlene pressed, wanting to know why, Alex again answered honestly. He said he thinks Roy is obnoxious.
We have spent time with Darlene’s family and generally enjoy them, but we wouldn’t seek out a relationship with Roy. It does not mean Alex HATES him. When my husband made the comment, she didn’t respond or seem upset. I texted her to apologize, and she replied, “No need to apologize. I just didn’t know Alex didn’t like Roy.”
Two weeks later, she confronted me about it. She said my husband was rude and her brother had done nothing to him to deserve being called obnoxious, adding that Roy is a great person. We went back and forth, and I gave her a couple of days’ break from communication because she was clearly upset.
We revisited the issue today, and she’s still upset. She is not upset with me, though. I suggested she reach out to my husband, but she believes that he should reach out to her. Truthfully, I don’t think my husband did anything wrong, although he could have been more diplomatic. What do you think?
Stuck in the Middle
Dear Stuck: Your husband was honest about his feelings, but he should have been more tactful than to accuse Darlene’s brother of being “obnoxious.” If you and your husband value the relationship you have with her and her husband, then he should reach out to her and apologize for his lack of tact. However, neither of you should allow yourself to be guilted into interacting with Roy against your better judgment.
Dear Abby: I am broke and disabled and live far from friends and family. They know I live alone and that I’m lonely with no friends nearby. Every time I try to save up the $1,000 I need to visit, some urgent expense takes it away. I haven’t been home in 10 years, and it’s killing me.
Two of my best friends recently came into a good sum of money, around $100,000 or more. Neither one has offered to give or lend me a dime. I’m very hurt by this because I was always generous when I had money. Do I have a right to feel hurt? How can I let this go so it doesn’t affect our friendships?
Suffering in Colorado
Dear Suffering: Your feelings are your feelings, and you have a right to them. However, it is unrealistic to expect your friends to give you the money to visit them. You might have better luck if you invite them to visit you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.