Dear Abby: My wife of 15 years is a beautiful lady I find more attractive every day. I compliment her often, but her self-image isn’t particularly good. She’s a top-level executive — not your typical “girly-girl.”
She has never been the sexy-dress type, in the bedroom or out in public. She doesn’t have to dress up for work on a daily basis and prefers wearing sweats at home, which is fine 99 percent of the time.
I have asked her for a special night out in which she would dress up for me, just a bit on the sexy side, followed by some late-night fun at home. When I do, she laughs off the idea and says I’m silly.
I’m certainly not the only one who finds her attractive. She gets compliments from others often. How do I find another approach to this? Or am I being selfish?
Dear Hoping: I don’t think a husband telling his wife what he would like is selfish. The key to a satisfying marriage is communication. I do think it’s wrong of her to belittle you by telling you your fantasy is silly. It’s not. Many couples enjoy occasionally dressing up and role-playing. Take her shopping so you can pick out something together that’s dressier than sweats or what she would wear to work, and perhaps you can arrive at a compromise.
Dear Abby: My mom gives my older brother an allowance because he’s a fugitive from the law (outstanding warrants) and lives in another country. I have told her repeatedly that she’s enabling him, and he will expect it for the rest of his life, but she insists that “one day” he’ll survive on his own, even though he has always squandered money.
She expects me to continue supporting him after she dies since I am the only legal child left. She says if she doesn’t pay him, he’ll be homeless, and I will be responsible for him since I will inherit her estate.
I have helped my brother a lot in the past, but inevitably he gets upset with the helper (including Mom) because he feels entitled. I don’t want my brother to be homeless, but he has already received his share of her estate because she has been paying for him for years and I haven’t received any aid. What seems fair?
The Other Sibling
Dear Other Sibling: What’s fair is that you realize your mother’s money is hers to do with as she wishes. Perhaps it’s time you and your mother discuss setting up a trust for your brother. An attorney who specializes in wills and trusts can help her do this and determine what is fair.
If you do, it may accomplish two goals: First, it will put your mother’s mind at ease, and second, it will remove any responsibility for your brother from your shoulders, which should save you a world of aggravation. Please consider it.
Dear Abby: I have been wondering for a long time if there is any rule of etiquette about who should greet whom first when a co-worker arrives at the workplace. Should the working person greet the incoming person first, or the other way around?
Dear George: In cases like this, the more outgoing co-worker usually says hello first — not because any rule of etiquette demands it, but because of his or her personality. If you are standing on ceremony waiting to be greeted, speak up or you will appear to be unfriendly.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.