By Sarah Glorian
I am not a registered Democrat or Republican. As I write this, the decision about elevating Judge Kavanaugh will be decided by the time this column is published. It seems likely he will be confirmed to the highest court in America. Regardless of what you think about the past few weeks, he and Dr. Ford (and their families) are forever tainted by the broad-brush strokes of Red and Blue interpretations of what has occurred. Everyone loses.
As a woman and an attorney, assuming Judge Kavanaugh is confirmed to this lifetime appointment, the long-term repercussions to women’s rights (and other issues), I fear, may be bleak. Nevertheless, I choose to remain cautiously optimistic.
Where do we go from here? I am tired, how about you? I choose to continue the dialogue.
I do not know a single female who can say she has never experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault. I have experienced both.
Socio-economic status, education, race do not protect women from this targeting. And, this commentary does not minimize the men and boys who have been harassed or assaulted.
I have white privilege. I am well-educated, from a middle-class family. When my parents split, I was around 8 years old. They agreed to joint custody. For various reasons, my brothers lived with my mother and I lived with my father from 4th to 8th grade. I then moved to live with my mother from 9th to 12th grade. For a young girl, these were formative years. In both homes, I was a latchkey kid with little supervision. My parents are well-educated; they did their best—hindsight is 20/20.
I do not know what the laws would have been in the 1980s; however, I am certain there are laws on the books around the country today where several of my first sexual experiences would be statutory rape. While I was not forced, in hindsight, the child I was certainly lacked the emotional maturity to understand what I was doing or surrendering.
When I graduated from high school, I moved to Long Island for my first semester of college. Due to lack of space, instead of living with other freshmen, I lived in a co-ed upperclassmen international dormitory. I lived in a four-person suite with three other women.
I do not recall all of the details, as is often the case. I do not recall if alcohol was involved.
What I believe began as joking around while hanging out with some men in a neighboring suite ended with one of the men, Gary, pushing me down on top of the other man, Barrington, my shirt being ripped and my neck getting a rather notable hickey. I ran out of the suite.
A resident adviser lived in that suite and he may be the one who reported this to the resident director. She did nothing.
I remember the next day getting lunch at the cafeteria. Gary and some other men were sitting at a table and laughing. I thought it was about me and the hickey I could not cover up, but who knows.
My roommate, from Hong Kong, was culturally conservative. She called me a whore and a slut.
Barrington avoided me, but apologized for what occurred.
Notwithstanding being a decent student, I did not attend most of my finals that semester. I left the college with a 1.75 GPA and did not return.
Thanks to the internet, I sent an email to Gary today letting him know I was thinking about this assault. I told him I forgive him. It would appear he is making a meaningful contribution to society these days so I do not wish him any ill will. Google says he is a father, a husband and he’s working in a respected profession.
As a female attorney, one cannot avoid the reality that the practice of law remains male (and white) dominated. Male attorneys I know, some of whom I consider friends nonetheless, have made comments about my appearance, my breasts, my long legs, etc. They may think it is flattering, but it is demeaning. I have been in the courtroom and heard male judges make comments about women (attorneys, witnesses and litigants) about their physical appearance — sometimes flattering, sometimes hurtful. Either way, it is wholly inappropriate. The most disappointing reality about what I am describing in my profession is it is not an anomaly or an isolated occurrence. It is still the “old boys’ club” and sexism, misogyny and paternalism are alive and well in the practice of law.
Where do we go from here? I am tired, how about you? I choose to continue the dialogue.
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you are a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault, you are not alone.
To seek help, please contact:
Domestic Violence Center of Grays Harbor County / (360) 538-0733 (Facebook)
Crisis Support Network in Pacific County / (800) 435-7276 / www.crisis-support.org
Connections / (360) 249-0005 / http://www.ghcac.org/
Beyond Survival / (360) 533-9751 / (888) 626-2640 / http://www.ghbeyondsurvival.com/
Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence / www.wscadv.org
Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline / (800) 562-6025 (8 a.m. – 5 p.m.)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
To find out if you are eligible for Northwest Justice Project services:
For cases including youth (Individualized Education Program and school discipline issues), debt collection cases and tenant evictions, please call for a local intake appointment at (360) 533-2282 or toll free (866) 402-5293. No walk-ins, please.
For all other legal issues, please call our toll-free intake and referral hotline commonly known as “CLEAR” (Coordinated Legal Education Advice and Referral) at 1-888-201-1014, Mondays through Fridays 9:15 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. If you are a senior, 60 and over, please call 1-888-387-7111; you may be eligible regardless of income. Language interpreters are available. You can also complete an application for services at nwjustice.org/get-legal-help. Be sure to also check out our law library at: www.washingtonlawhelp.org.
