Making Tracks: Being a stepmom-in-spirit has its rewards
Published 7:00 pm Monday, June 12, 2017
Making Tracks
By Kat Bryant
As you read this on Tuesday, I’ll be driving home from Eugene, Oregon. Sam, the younger of my two “stepsons,” graduated from high school on Monday, so I drove down to celebrate with his family.
I place that word in quotes because I’m a stepmom in spirit, not in the legal sense. Their dad and I were a couple for seven years, so I was privileged to be a part of their childhood. Today, all of us — dad, mom, the boys and I — remain friends.
But Sam and I have a bond that’s extra special to me. Even now, three years after his dad and I split up, he calls me regularly and spends a week with me every summer. He calls me his “other mom,” and I love him like my own son.
In his 18 years, Sam has dealt with more crap than any kid should have to. With dual diagnoses of bipolar disorder and ADHD, he’s endured a seemingly endless series of tests and adjustments to both medications and diet. Along the way, he’s been through some dark periods and unpleasant episodes.
Luckily for him, he has a mom who will move heaven and earth to get him whatever help he needs; a dad who will drop everything to be there for him; a big brother who loves him back in spite of their often tumultuous relationship; four grandparents who adore him; and a stepmom-in-spirit who’s on call whenever he needs to talk.
And Sam has grown up to be a terrific young adult. His outgoing personality, his many talents and his off-the-charts intelligence have earned him a full scholarship to the University of Oregon, where he’ll start in the fall.
It’s easy for me to forget sometimes that he can get a little … distracted. Last August, as he was traveling to visit me, he had a layover of several hours in Denver. He dutifully called me to let me know he’d landed there, then parked himself at the gate where his connecting flight was supposed to be and started playing an electronic game.
Hours later, right about the time he was supposed to be taking off, he called me in a panic. As he’d sat there engrossed in his game, his flight had been reassigned to a different gate — and by the time he realized that, it was too late to get where he needed to be. He was stranded.
I talked him down and assured him we’d get it all figured out. He went to the airline’s customer service desk to see if he could still get to North Dakota that day; but there was no way that was going to happen so late in the afternoon. (Bismarck’s airport has four gates — not four terminals, but four gates. Not much traffic there, folks.)
Long story short: His paternal grandparents, who live about 45 minutes from the Denver airport, were able to take him home for the night and then put him on a flight to Bismarck the next morning. Disaster averted.
After he finally arrived, I took him on a camping trip to Theodore Roosevelt National Park, where we marveled together at the Milky Way on a clear, moonless night — and learned that bison can be a-holes. (That story would be a whole other column in itself.) We had a great time.
He and I also had some very deep discussions that week about his manic and depressive periods — the feelings and thought processes they bring about, and how he deals with them. It was a real eye-opener for me, and it gave me infinitely more respect for how much he’s overcome.
Sam is a strong, beautiful and fabulous human being. I love him so much, and I’m bursting with pride as he takes his next step in life. He wants to become a teacher, and I have no doubt he’ll be terrific at it.
Heaven knows he’s already taught me a thing or two.
Kat Bryant is lifestyle editor of The Daily World. Reach her at kbryant@thedailyworld.com or on Facebook at Kat Bryant-DailyWorld.
