By Mark Harvey
I hate tomorrow
Well, actually, I don’t hate tomorrow. I’m usually grateful for yet another opportunity to try to get it right, which happens every day.
And I certainly don’t hate Sundays!
And, truth be told, I don’t have anything in particular against March 12th; after all, it isn’t the Ides of March, so I don’t see that I have anything in particular of which to beware — March 12th is a fine day, as days go.
What I HATE is that today is the day we have to change the clocks! Well, I don’t suppose we actually “have to” — We could just ignore it and keep our clocks exactly where they are; obviously, that would mean that we’d be one hour out of synch with the rest of the known Universe (although, for those of us who are routinely challenged by being IN-synch anyway, that might be a relatively insignificant nuance).
And, what-the-Heck! We have multiple time zones all the time, so it’s not like we’re all on the same time at the same time, so, “What time is it?” is a relative question, depending upon where you are, at any given moment; of course, at our house (where there are a multitude of clocks and other time-keeping devices strewn throughout the house, many of which operate on batteries), “What time is it?” can depend upon what room you’re in.
(And, if you don’t like what time it is in the room you’re in, you can simply move to another room and have it be a different time, or you can restate the question: “What time would you like it to be?” – But, this is beginning to become a bit too “60’s”…)
And as I brace for the Herculean undertaking of actually resetting all of these time-keeping devices, I’m struck by how many of them there are! Battery-operated clocks and plug-them-in clocks and watches and microwaves and ovens and coffeemakers and a constantly shifting number of electronic, digital devices! (Of course, the latter often reset themselves, which would have been REALLY mind-expanding in the 60’s, but…); in fact, there are so many that what time it actually is changes several times in the course of my struggling to make everything depict the same time, so I have to have a time-keeping device with me as I reset time-keeping devices!
It takes a lot of time!
Whose idea was this, anyway? Oh, I’m sure that I could take the time to Google it, but I don’t have the time (OR the inclination); besides, I might discover some fact that would fly in the face of my dearly held prejudice (And I can’t have THAT!), so I’ll just continue to believe that somehow it’s making money for somebody, which rationalizes (apparently) upending an entire culture!
It’s true! There are more car accidents when we change the time! (I know this to be true, because I heard it once and decided to believe it forever). And we lose an hour of sleep! How does that help? We’re late for things and that upsets everybody, so in order to compensate for not knowing what it is, we get into more car accidents and…
Late for things – The very phrase paralyzes me with anxiety! I was raised, for the most part, by a classically German grandmother who took it as gospel that if something was scheduled for, say, 6:30, you had BETTER be there by 6:15, OR ELSE!! Or else, what? I don’t know, but to this day, if there’s any chance I might be less than 15 minutes early for something (Anything!), my palms begin to sweat and my heart palpitates, anticipating (I guess) that my grandmother will rise from her grave after 50 years and do…something. I’m not sure what; I suspect that I’ve blocked it out of my memory because it was so apocalyptically impressive that my psyche just can’t deal with it.
“SPRING forward,” we’re told – As though it were a happy thing. Like we ought to be dancing around a May Pole (whatever-the-Hell a “May Pole” is) in March, communing with butterflies and spewing blossoms hither-and-yon, in happy anticipation of the rebirth of…my grandmother?? No, that’s silly, but…Something. Geez! What’s happy about this? Wouldn’t you rather sleep for an hour?
It takes our bodies a while to figure all of this out, you know; I mean, the lunch hour is still the lunch hour, it’s just that what hour the “lunch hour” is, is different, but it’s…THE lunch hour, so you’d better eat! And what time to go to bed? Never mind genetically installed circadian rhythm, just look at the clock (which you just changed), and GO TO BED! – Then, lie there for who-knows-how-long, waiting to fall asleep, because the clock says it’s bed time. I sure hope somebody is making some money out of all this, and I SURE hope it’s somebody I like!
I think, in the end, I don’t really care what time it is – I just want it to be the same time, all the time and be spared the DNA-level disruption! Pick a time – Any time! – And I’ll probably go along with it; after all, we made all of this up, you know. Well…?! I don’t think the Universe super-imposed Mountain Standard Time (or whatever)! All the Universe did is provide certain entertaining cycles and rhythms (like, a rotating planet, light/dark, seasons), then WE decided to start counting them so we could measure time! True, it’s probably internationally critical that we all know that it’s 3:00 a.m. in Tokyo (for the moment)…AND, what would happen if we DIDN’T measure time? How would we know when to apply for Medicare?
We wouldn’t.
How would we know when to retire?
We wouldn’t.
How would we know when to feel old? Or act old?
We wouldn’t.
We’d just keep having, doing and creating our lives, based on something other than how many days/weeks/months/decades we’ve been at it – Or how many more of any of those some number-cruncher predicts we might have left. We’d just live, and live and then we’d live some more, and then…
We’d have LIVES!
Of course, we might not have coffee in the morning…
Mark Harvey is the director of Information and Assistance for Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He can be reached at harvemb@dshs.wa.gov or 532-0520 in Aberdeen, (360) 942-2177 in Raymond or (360) 642-3634. FACEBOOK: Olympic Area Agency on Aging-Information & Assistance.
