Man seeking commitment finds casual sex instead

What are your thoughts about having a sex-only arrangement with an ex?

Dear Abby: What are your thoughts about having a sex-only arrangement with an ex? Most of the women I’ve dated have contacted me after the relationship was over hoping to have “no strings attached” sex on a regular basis. I have always refused because I figured it would make it more difficult to move on and to meet someone new.

That said, I’m an attractive guy in my early 30s, and I’d hate to continue to waste my prime sexual years. I’d love to be married and have a family, but I’m struggling to find a woman who is honest, loyal, a good communicator and independent. That leaves me with either having no sex while hoping for a miracle, or a lot of sex with women I don’t really like.

Searching in Oregon

Dear Searching: Dating may look like fun, but at a certain point it becomes serious business. You have reached an age at which you know what you are looking for. However, you will never find it as long as you tie yourself to women who don’t fit the bill. This does not mean you must live like a monk, only that you direct your sexual (and emotional) energies forward rather than backward if your goal is marriage and a family.

Dear Abby: I’m 16 and unlike most girls I know, I prefer to be natural. I don’t shave or wax my body hair. My friends accept this as my business. But my stepsisters, whom I share a room with every other weekend, say I look gross and proudly display their shave and wax jobs. They say their boyfriends and nearly all guys prefer it.

I have a boyfriend, but we aren’t to that point. However, someday that day will come. Does it really matter to guys if a girl shaves and waxes? Also, how do I deal with my stepsisters?

Natural in the West

Dear Natural: Deal with your stepsisters by continuing to ignore their advice and following your own path. The idea that women should be hairless from the eyelids down is one that Madison Avenue and the porn industry have foisted on the public. I can’t predict how “guys” will react to you in your natural state, but I can say this: A man who cares about you will be only too glad to accept the entire package — fur and all.

Dear Abby: I have a close friend who visits me often. Recently I discovered that in addition to eating snacks I put out, he has been sneaking food and things like canned beverages from my home when I’m not looking.

He has money. In fact, he is a very generous person. I can’t get over his behavior. Is it right that this bothers me, and if so, what should I say?

Missing My Food in California

Dear Missing: It should bother you, because as petty as it is, it’s still theft. What you should say is, “Why are you taking food from my home without asking me first?” It’s a legitimate question. If he denies it, your buddy may be a bit of a kleptomaniac.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.