By George Haerle

For The Daily World

Let it be stated for the record that this critic believes the original “Jurassic Park” is one of the greatest films of all time. The characters were great, the script was solid and the film was perfectly directed under the hand of Steven Spielberg. The dinosaurs could either be the most enchanting or terrifying things on the screen, and the feelings of childhood wonder and terror of seeing them in the flesh were as good as it could get.

Fast-forward 25 years, and now we have this garbage. “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” is the lowest of low points in the franchise. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster of a film with dozens of visual references to the first movie that serve no purpose other than trying to induce shallow feelings of nostalgia — and tragically failing to do so. The characters are as hollow as the action scenes and muddy/wet looking CGI dinosaurs (more on that in a moment).

The first “Jurassic World,” though incredibly flawed in terms of script and characters, at least was fun, tonally consistent and aesthetically on point to the series as a whole. “Fallen Kingdom” barely even feels like a “Jurassic Park” film at times, with the only familiarity being those pointless references and the specific dinosaur designs and sound effects.

Some parts of the film are genuinely thrilling thanks to the direction of J.A. Bayona (who did fantastic work in “A Monster Calls”). The first 10 minutes are terrific, and some great horror beats and practical dinosaur puppetry/animatronics are top-notch — particularly a scene with Owen and Claire stuck in a cargo trailer with a sleeping T-rex. But once these few fleeting moments play out, the remaining dreck is so strange and terrible you’ll wish you were the one being eaten by a T-rex.

It’s as if Colin Treverrow (director of the first “Jurassic World” and writer of the sequel’s script) pulled out some old “Jurassic Park” fan-fiction composed of rewritten scenes from the first movie, but with more erratically goofy dinosaurs, explosions and choreographed stylized fight scenes. Treverrow has begun to prove consistently with his filmography that he has no concept of storytelling, cohesive and organic plot, or character progression. He may be the next Michael Bay, but he’s certainly no Spielberg.

Taking place sometime after the events of “Jurassic World,” Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) is as uninteresting and hollow as ever, but is at least trying to help the dinosaurs still living on Isla Nublar. The island is about to explode from a volcanic eruption when she gets an offer from a rich guy to save the dinosaurs. Cue Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) for a subplot involving capturing Blue the velociraptor. Blah, bah, blah, island explodes, plot twist, plot twist, plot twist, bizarre third act.

The film shifts so hard to the left and right at times that it’s off-puttingly nonsensical, and the reasoning behind the rescue plot and what it leads to in the third act seems like they ran out of ideas for where this series could go. The supporting cast are as uninteresting and undeveloped as the leads, and no one’s performance is particularly worth wasting words to mention.

The third act and finale are where the movie is at its worst. The setting has shifted from exploding island to a mansion in the Northern California woods, with Blue the raptor essentially turning into an action hero. Chris Pratt is given an excuse to fist-fight bad guys. A new hybrid dinosaur called the indoraptor is introduced (and turns out to be a one-trick pony). And we’re introduced to a bizarre detail that serves no purpose other as a poor attempt at a plot twist.

“Fallen Kingdom” can’t entirely be written off, as it may eventually be remembered as a movie so bad that it’s hilarious. This critic and his wife laughed multiple times at moments that weren’t meant to be funny. It’s unfortunate that this is what has become of the “Jurassic Park” film series — but if this is what it has come to, they should just let it go extinct.

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“Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” is currently playing at the Riverside Cinemas, 1017 S. Boone St. in Aberdeen.

George Haerle holds a bachelor’s degree in creative writing for media and lives in Cosmopolis.