Dear Abby: My brother “Patrick” and I have known “Bobby” for about 20 years. Patrick is closer friends with him because they live in the same town. Recently, we found out that Bobby’s best friend was arrested for child pornography. While Bobby knew nothing about this before the arrest, he still wants to support his friend.
I told Patrick he will no longer be welcome in my home (I host for all the holidays) if he doesn’t cut off all contact with Bobby. My brother says I’m being too harsh because you can disapprove of someone’s behavior and still be a friend. I think that child pornography is morally and ethically wrong and there is no middle ground here. What do you think? Should Bobby have a seat at our table? (He has no other living family.)
— Not Welcomed in the East
Dear Not Welcomed: I do not think you should excommunicate your brother because of something Bobby’s friend did. I believe the Bible says that while you can hate the sin, you should still love the sinner, and that is what Bobby is doing. If you wish to check the reference, you may discover you have a copy somewhere in your home. You can review that chapter with your brother at your holiday table.
Dear Abby: I am 35, and my boyfriend is 31. We met at work and moved in together. It has been five years now and still no proposal. I thought we were on the same page, but he just purchased a brand-new muscle car and is only concerned about that, buying new sneakers (he has a sneaker obsession) and making more money. I currently share a rental lease with him and am considering going my separate way in three months, mainly because he is complacent and our relationship has become stagnant. It is going nowhere. Please help.
— Hoped for More in Pennsylvania
Dear Hoped for More: Getting to know someone takes time. Be glad you have realized this man isn’t husband material before you wasted more time waiting for him to mature. Hang in there until the lease is up, then move resolutely on, parting I hope, as “friends.”
Dear Abby: I have been married to my best friend since I was 15. I am now 50. I have never had an orgasm. I want to experience one so badly that I am willing to cheat. We have talked about our sex life, and how it has not been satisfying for me. Please tell me what I can do.
— Missing It in Indiana
Dear Missing: Before looking for sexual fulfillment outside your marriage, you and your husband should ask your doctor for a referral to a sex therapist. You both married very young, and he may never have learned how to please a woman. This does not mean he isn’t capable of learning. Frankly, because you have never experienced an orgasm, YOU may need some coaching or some “pointers.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)