Dear Abby: I am a 20-year-old college student. After attending a local community college for two years, I will be starting classes at a four-year school. I make excellent grades, but I struggle with organization. My mother has ADD, and I am certain that I also have it because I display all the symptoms. However, I have never been diagnosed.
My mother purposely didn’t have me diagnosed as a child because she didn’t want me to feel like there was anything holding me back. Now that I’m an adult, I keep wondering if getting a diagnosis along with some mental and emotional support might help me to become more organized and successful in life. Any advice would be appreciated, along with any resources you might know of for people who have ADD or ADHD.
Anonymous in the South
Dear Anonymous: Because you feel that receiving a diagnosis would be helpful, it’s time to be evaluated by a mental health professional. If your college has a student health center, that’s the place to start. If not, contact the psychological association in your state about a referral to a therapist who specializes in patients with adult attention deficit disorder. I wish you luck, because there is help for it.
Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been dating casually for about five months. He is busy and is often terrible about returning texts and phone calls. For his birthday, I bought him a gift that I had put a lot of thought into. We made plans to have dinner on his birthday, but when the time came to pick me up, he didn’t show. Three hours after the agreed-upon time, he texted and canceled.
My question is about the gift. It wasn’t extravagant, but I no longer have any interest in giving it to him when we do finally see each other (it’s been a week since he canceled). Is it acceptable to simply pay for dinner? I’m hurt and frustrated with him, and that doesn’t make me want to give him a gift.
Hurt in Texas
Dear Hurt: If he had wanted to spend his birthday with you, he would have shown up. One of the ways people show they care about each other is by returning texts and initiating phone calls. Because your “boyfriend” hasn’t done that, assume that he is not as interested in you as you are in him. Return the gift, if possible, and if he shows up again, do not buy dinner. Shame on him.
Dear Abby: When my wife shops for clothes, she often returns something for exchange or reimbursement. Recently she bought an article of clothing and it shrank after she washed it, so she returned it. To me that was inappropriate. I think after a garment is washed it belongs to the buyer, and a return is wrong. Or am I wrong?
Returned in the East
Dear Returned: Personally, I agree with you — unless the item was supposed to be shrink-resistant. However, because the retailer was willing to exchange it or reimburse your wife, it appears we are mistaken.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
