Dear Abby: I have grown really close to “Pete,” my trainer at the gym I joined two years ago. We are both married. I know it’s wrong to feel this way. I love my husband, but I’m not sure I am “in love” with him anymore.
I think what I feel for Pete may be more than just a physical attraction and connection. Our lives are so parallel. We are both loyal to our spouses, so nothing has happened.
I’m not sure if he feels the same about me, but I sense our chemistry when we are together. Our friendship hugs are lasting longer, and our flirting has increased to a different level. We text every week in the morning and now, since he quit his job at the gym, we have started to miss each other. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s on my mind constantly.
I know I shouldn’t open up Pandora’s box because it could destroy lives. My best friend has picked up that I talk about Pete more than my husband. My husband overheard one of my virtual workout sessions with him and afterward was cold and different toward me, so I know he was picking up on our connection, too. Should I talk to Pete about how I’m feeling or leave it alone?
Working It Out
Dear Working: It’s time to ask yourself what, exactly, you want from Pete. Is it a fling? Do you want to wreck your marriage and possibly ruin his? Crushing on a perfect physical specimen is common, and when something is missing in your life, it’s easy to fixate on someone you have contact with regularly. If you feel the urge to work out, work things out with your husband because, if your letter is an accurate description of what’s going on, that marriage of yours could use some toning up.
Dear Abby: I work for a small company in Colorado. It pays well. I will be quitting my job as soon as I’m out of debt, which will be soon. My job is way too stressful, and I’ll be able to afford the pay cut.
The problem is, my boss is a relative by marriage and a good friend. Most of the stress in my job comes from the way he communicates with me and everyone else in emails. He is often rude, condescending and accusatory. It has become more than my fragile nerves can handle.
When I quit, how can I exit without calling him out when I’m asked my reason for leaving? Do you have any advice as to a vague yet satisfactory “reason” for leaving? I don’t want to bring up the actual problem because he already knows how he is, and his actions won’t change. Also, I value the peaceful relationship we have and don’t want to cause any drama in the family.
Keeping the Peace in Colorado
Dear Keeping: When the question is asked during your exit interview, express gratitude for having had the opportunity to work there. Your reason for leaving will be to “explore other opportunities.”
To My Readers: I want to wish a very happy Easter to you all! — Love, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.