Dear Abby: I read your column all the time. My husband and I have been married for 35 years. My husband has good friends who are women, and I have never objected when he stayed with them when he traveled from our home to Michigan.
One of the women he stays with called and they talked for hours. That’s not right is it? My husband says she’s just a good friend and it’s only conversation.
Like I said, I didn’t mind him staying with her because I trusted him. But now I’m leery and suspicious. I don’t believe it’s a sexual thing, but a long conversation hurts me more because I thought I was his best friend.
I told him, “Let’s get counseling. If it doesn’t work, we can divorce.” He said, “You’re not going to stop me from talking to my friends.”
Abby, I need your opinion.
Dear Leery: Whatever is going on, you and your husband are having a communication problem. Instead of raising the subject of divorce with him, it may be time for you to get marriage counseling, alone if he won’t go with you.
Your husband should be able to talk to his friends — male and female — if he wishes. For you to tell him otherwise makes you look more like his jailer than his wife. Some mediation may help you feel less threatened and help you both to get back on the same page.
Dear Abby: I am a 39-year-old female who hasn’t been able to conceive. My sister has two children and one on the way. I love being an aunt, but I do want to be a mom myself. I’m recently divorced and have a nice home, a dependable vehicle and a job that I love. The only thing missing in my life is a child.
I have the opportunity to adopt a newborn baby from a family who is unable to care for her. She will be born in the next few months. When I speak to my friends and family about it, even though they would love for me to have a child, they say they don’t think this is the right path for me. Although I want a child and always have, I’m now having concerns about it, too. Any advice you could share would be greatly appreciated.
Dear Instinct: I wish you had been clearer about why your family doesn’t feel that adopting the baby would be the right path for you. However, since you weren’t, let me offer this:
Many single parents — whether single because of divorce, widowhood or by choice — successfully raise children. At 39, with a home and a good job, you appear to be financially secure enough to provide for a child. Unless you have an emotional problem you didn’t mention, or lack the patience to be a good mother, I see no reason why you shouldn’t become one. However, because your friends and family have created doubt, discuss this with a counselor to clarify your thinking.
Dear Abby: What should I say to someone who expects an invitation to a wedding but will not be receiving one and they ask why they didn’t get one?
Where’s My Invitation?
Dear Where’s: If someone is nervy enough to ask why he or she was not invited to the wedding, all you have to say is that for logistical reasons you had to limit your guest list.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.