Alcoholic is a monster at night with no memory in the morning

I have been married to my husband for four years, and before that, I knew him for about a year.

Dear Abby: I have been married to my husband for four years, and before that, I knew him for about a year. At the time, he was very loving and considerate, but right after we got married, his true nature emerged.

He drinks heavily every night and says horrible things. In the morning, he has no recollection of it and expects me to be loving and warm to him. I can’t bring myself to do it. He is always accusing me of cheating on him, even though I have given him no reason. He has a GPS on my phone, and if I don’t answer his texts or calls immediately, he goes ballistic.

Abby, I’m not happy and have often thought about running away. During the day he helps me, but at night he becomes a completely different person. I have a full-time job and pay 85 percent of the bills. I take care of the kids, cook and clean, but nothing makes him happy. I would really appreciate your advice.

Lost in California

Dear Lost: Nothing you do will make your husband happy. You are married to an abusive blackout drunk. Demand that he enter an abuse treatment program. If he refuses, then leave now, before the example he sets when he has been drinking further damages your children. If you need information about forming an escape plan, go online to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website ( There is also a toll-free 24-hour hotline: 800-799-7233.

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. We don’t live together, but we’re together three or four times a week, and the sex is great.

He is into porn, and when I am not there, I know he looks at it because I have found pictures of it on his phone. It makes me feel like I’m not enough because if I was, he wouldn’t need to look at other girls for arousal. When I tell him that, he says there’s no emotional attachment to porn for him. He says it is all visual and there is nothing to be jealous of.

I myself am not into it. It grosses me out to even look at it. Is he telling me the truth?

Grossed Out

in New Jersey

Dear Grossed Out: If your boyfriend does not require looking at his cellphone in order to have sex with you, then he is telling you the truth. Men are turned on by the visual. Women are more turned on by the written word. The expert who pointed that out to me was Larry Flynt. After I printed it, I was criticized by some readers for using him as a resource. Three months later, the book “Fifty Shades of Grey” appeared and became a worldwide phenomenon. So Larry was right — in spades.

Dear Abby: I’m hoping you will settle a bet between me and a good friend. I’m sure you’ve heard of or seen the advertisements for ancestral DNA testing. I say that three children with the same two parents will all have equal percentages of their parents’ ancestry. My friend says the amounts can vary from child to child. Who is right? A nice dinner is riding on this.

Hungry to Know

in Minnesota

Dear Hungry: I am sure your friend will enjoy the nice dinner you’re paying for. According to, unless the siblings are identical triplets, the amount of DNA they receive from each parent can vary, and it is not unusual for siblings to have different percentages of their parents’ ancestry.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.