Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for 12 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is now 16. They have had their ups and downs. What irritates me to no end is, my husband tattles on my daughter.
Today she wanted to come home from school because she felt nauseated. My husband had the day off, and even though he didn’t want to, he picked her up from school. He proceeded to text me at work later on in the day to let me know that she was eating waffles and chicken nuggets.
I can’t control what my daughter eats when I’m not there. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. The issues between them are much deeper, but I cannot stand his tattling. If my child says she’s nauseated and then eats waffles, she must learn somehow that they are not conducive to feeling better. My husband going out of his way to rat on her when she does things like this seems overboard. Am I crazy for feeling this way?!
Seeking Peace at Home
Dear Seeking Peace: You are not crazy for feeling this way. You ARE crazy for not having it out with your husband rather than complain to me, and for not insisting the three of you get counseling from a licensed marriage and family therapist to iron out those “deeper issues.”
P.S. Waffles and chicken nuggets are considered comfort food. What your daughter may have needed that day was comfort. If the foods she chose were not conducive to feeling better, your husband could have suggested a better option. (Chicken broth?)
Dear Abby: I went out with some girlfriends a few weeks ago. We began chatting and, after a while, I started to notice things that made me feel disconnected from them. After thinking about it later, I realized that although we have known each other for 10 years, we no longer have much in common.
We used to work together and shared that, but it’s no longer the case. I think I might have more in common with others. We never fight, and they are wonderful people, but each time I open myself up to them, I feel judged and different. How do you suggest I maintain my friendships? Is it worth it?
Faithful Friend in Ohio
Dear Friend: If the only thing these women brought to your relationship was the fact that you used to work together, and because circumstances have changed, it may be time to re-evaluate how important these workplace friendships are to you. Friends do not have to think in lockstep, and they shouldn’t make you feel judged if your opinions differ from theirs.
A way to maintain friendships like these is to see the individuals less often and, when you do, talk about the things you do have in common. If that doesn’t work, realize that not all friendships last forever and move on. Sometimes friendships run their course, and this may be one of those times.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.