Dear Abby: I’m 13, and I’m writing you about my best friend. Her life at home has always sucked, but now it has reached a new level. Her grandmother is no longer paying for her tuition, her parents verbally abuse her and yesterday she attempted suicide. Luckily, she called me and I talked her through it.
I don’t know how to help her. I can’t talk to her parents because they’ll be no help, but I don’t know what will happen if I tell my parents. Please help me.
Dear Needs Answers: You are a caring friend. The one thing you SHOULDN’T do in a misguided effort to “protect” your friend is to remain silent. When someone threatens suicide, it is time to act.
You should absolutely tell your parents everything you know so they can inform her parents. If your parents are hesitant to do that, confide in a trusted teacher or counselor at school so your friend can get the help she appears to desperately need. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s toll-free number is 800-273-8255. Please share it with your friend. But if she tells you again that she has injured herself, call 911.
Dear Abby: I have a 23-year-old stepson who continues to bully my wife into taking care of him. She recently helped him to buy a home, even though she knew his current earnings would not be enough to cover his car, insurance, phone, cable, etc.
He continues to make his problems ours. He called yesterday telling his mom he needs brakes. We already pay his insurance on the vehicle and other small, unexpected bills. Oh, and by the way, he has a baby on the way.
I have tried repeatedly to talk to my wife about enabling him, but she refuses to see that she is keeping him dependent. What can I say or do to help her get on the right path?
Dear Problems: Ideally, spouses are supposed to agree before spending large amounts of community assets. Marriage counseling might help you to get through to her. But if it doesn’t, consider consulting a lawyer about protecting your assets.
I agree that your wife is enabling her son, and she’s not doing him any favors in the long run. However, if the money she’s giving him is her own, you can’t stop her from doing it.
Dear Abby: We live down the street from my boyfriend’s mother. Our 3-year-old daughter spends a few hours there while I’m at work and her dad is running errands. My daughter loves her grandparents, so I don’t mind her spending time with them.
Dear Echoed: Stop complaining. At least your mother-in-law agrees with you and reinforces what you tell your daughter. Consider it a small price you pay for free baby-sitting.
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have four children. Two years ago, we went through a rough patch and separated. After working through our problems, we moved back in together recently.
Over the last few months, I have noticed that I become depressed whenever he’s around. It’s nothing he does. He’s nice and has improved himself over the last two years, but I miss living without him. I wish we would get a divorce so I could go back to living with just my children.
Do I feel this way because of low self-esteem, or is it something else? I’m not sure what to make of it, and your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Dear Second Thoughts: It appears that although you and your husband worked through your problems enough to move back together, there’s still more work to be done to repair your relationship.
Be careful what you wish for. Whether your attraction to him has simply grown stale or you have fallen completely out of love with him, I can’t guess. But with four children in the picture, I hope you will schedule some sessions with a licensed marriage counselor before making any final decisions about making that wish of yours come true.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.